Want to tell of my vw horror story

My Volkswagen is horrible. Not only does it watch me while I sleep, it breathes really hard. In addition to these characteristics, my 1989 Golf also drinks straight from the milk cartoon which isn’t all that bad until I learned that it has a nasty case of multiple cold-sores on its mouth. Also this one time I came home early and caught it watching its massive collection of porn. Gay porn.

My Golf ruined my whole entire summer last year. I took it New York City to visit what America affectionately calls the “”Big Apple.”" While there, my Golf developed a horrible addiction to heroin. Not just any heroin, but the kind you can smoke. Never heard of it you say? Neither had I until I found my Golf shivering naked in the bathroom corner of my hotel room. A few days later while walking in Central Park, I caught my Golf on its knees performing services that I dare not speak of to Bob the park service manager in hopes of satisfying its newly acquired drug habit.

My 1989 Volkswagen Golf sucks. Not just sucks as a car, but sucks balls as well.